Broken Angel
by OCDdegrassi
Summary: When Narcissa's world is turned upside down, can Lucius save her or will she stay broken forever? On Hiatus.
1. Chapter 1

**Title:** Broken Angel  
**Author:** OCDegrassi (Holly)  
**Pairings:** Lucius/Narcissa  
**Rating:** M  
**Warnings:** Violence, Rape, Angst  
**Note: **This is the first installment of a multi-chapter fic. I haven't written much Narcissa/Lucius, but I love the pairing, so I decided to finally try giving them a story. Let me know your opinions. I love getting feedback!

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Lucius Malfoy was the most eligible bachelor at Hogwarts. With his looks, wit, and family name (not to mention their money), he could have anyone he wanted. The problem was, he was bored with most of the girls at school. They flirted unabashedly with him and some even threw themselves at him. It was pathetic and a definite turn-off for the young Malfoy. But there was one girl who was different: Narcissa Black. She stayed mostly to herself and preferred to skip the school festivities. She spoke softly and beneath her beauty was an incredibly intelligent mind. Unlike the other girls, she never tried to get his attention. She didn't even have to try.

Her beauty was natural and untainted by loads of lipstick and eye shadow. Her long blonde hair flowed down her back in an almost ethereal way, and her bright blue eyes were mesmerizing. She looked like an angel. Plenty of boys had tried desperately to impress her, but none had succeeded. She seemed to be completely uninterested in the dating scene, preferring solitude. Lucius was intrigued by her and wanted to learn every secret that hid beneath her calm exterior. She seemed so innocent, but there was something in her eyes that told him differently.

They showed a sadness that was uncommon in someone so young. She was a mystery that Lucius was determined to figure out. He bided his time, watching and waiting until the perfect moment to make his move. His usual charm wouldn't work on her, and he had to find another way to get her interested in him. He paid attention to every detail- what she ate, what classes she liked, what book she was reading, everything. The more he knew about her, the better his chances were of convincing her to date him.

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Saturday night was upon them, and the upper classman of Slytherin were ready to go out. All they had to do was slip the caretaker a few galleons, and they were free and clear to spend the night drinking and dancing at the club. Lucius had spent many Saturdays scanning the club to see if Narcissa would show up, but she never did. So it surprised him immensely to see her from across the room. She was wearing a black v-neck dress that was short and hugged every curve of her body. Her black, stiletto shoes made her legs look so sexy that Lucius briefly imagined seeing her with only those shoes on. Her black eyeliner made the blue of her eyes more striking than usual. Yet even covered in all black, she still looked like angel.

He took a swig from his cup and confidently walked towards the object of his desire. He flashed her a smile and held out his hand to her. "Would you like to dance?" She smiled back at him and nodded. She placed her hand in his and he led her onto the dance floor as the other boys looked on with jealousy. The music was pulsing and their bodies seemed to move in perfect harmony. She was smiling happily and looked more carefree than Lucius had ever seen her. After three songs, she excused herself to the restroom and Lucius went to the bar to order another drink.

He didn't bother hiding the smile on his face. This was the perfect way to get her attention. People came to the club to enjoy themselves and have fun. There was no way she would turn down a simple, innocent dance with him. He waited and waited for her to meet him at the bar, but she never came. Ten songs had finished playing before Lucius finally sighed. She stood him up. He thought he was finally making some progress with her, but he must have been wrong. It was a bit rude though. She could have at least told him that she was leaving. He took another couple shots before exiting the club. His night was ruined anyway.

He walked down the cold, snow-covered street with his hands buried deep in his pockets. He could see his breath and couldn't wait to return to the warm confines of his dormitory. Ahead of him, he saw a figure lying in the snow. It was still and he wasn't even sure if the person was still alive. He thought of just walking by. After all, this wasn't something he particularly wanted to get involved in. He was cold and tired and just wanted to sleep. But as he drew closer to the figure, he saw a flash of blood hair. His heart skipped a beat and he rushed towards the spot. There, on the snow, was Narcissa. He gasped at her appearance. Her clothes were torn and the white snow was covered in red. He tried to wake her, but she wouldn't stir.

Her skin was so cold that if he couldn't see the small mist from her breath then he would have thought she was dead. He took off his jacket and draped it around her. Her beautiful, pale face was bruised and swollen. The red was everywhere. It dripped down her legs and her hair was soaked in it. His mind finally registered that it was blood, and his breath was caught in his throat. He picked her up and ran back to the castle as fast as he could. It felt like time had stopped and the castle was getting farther and farther away the more he ran. He finally made it onto the grounds and ignored the caretaker as he ran straight by him to the infirmary. Madame Pomfrey ushered him to a bed that he placed her on, and she quickly went to work examining her. She was asking Lucius questions, but he couldn't focus. All he could see was Narcissa, hurt and bleeding. His beautiful angel was broken.

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**A/N:** So what did you think? Please Review!


	2. Chapter 2

**Title:** Broken Angel  
**Author:** OCDegrassi (Holly)  
**Pairings:** Lucius/Narcissa  
**Rating:** M  
**Warnings:** Violence, Rape, Angst  
**Note: **And the story continues. Special thanks to** icecubeinheels**, who was my only review for chapter 1. I really appreciate it! Now, onto chapter 2. The italicized text is memory.

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Lucius returned to the hospital wing the next day to find Narcissa staring across the room. She seemed to be completely zoned out, and she either didn't notice him approaching or didn't care. Madame Pomfrey had healed her cuts and bruises, but there was still the slightest hint of injury if you looked close enough. Lucius could still see her last night, tattered and beaten. Nothing could ever erase that image from his mind. He sat down next to her, and she finally turned to look at him. She had dark circles under her eyes from the lack of sleep, and her expression was blank and hallow. It was as if there was nothing inside her anymore. It broke his heart. "How are you feeling?" She didn't respond. She simply turned to look at that same spot on the wall across the room. Lucius didn't push her though. She'd been through a lot. If she didn't want to talk right now, then that was perfectly understandable.

He would be there when she was ready. He sat by her bedside for hours in silence, but she never moved once. He finally left to get lunch with a promise that he would be back later. Her response was more silence. She was afraid to speak for fear that her voice would betray her. She felt disgusting. She'd spent 2 hours in the shower last night after Madame Pomfrey healed her. She scrubbed at her skin until it was red and bleeding, just trying to get the feeling of him off. The water was scolding hot on her, but it was the only thing that felt okay. She was dirty, and no amount of soap or scrubbing could make her clean. She was sitting on the floor when Madame Pomfrey finally walked in. The water had long since turned cold, and the healer turned it off and helped Narcissa walk back to her bed and dry off.

Madame Pomfrey asked if she remembered what happened. She said no, but it was a lie. She remembered everything. She wished she didn't. Every detail was playing over and over again in her mind like it was on an endless loop and she couldn't make it stop. She couldn't eat or sleep. All she did was remember. She just wanted the thoughts to go away. She wanted to take a potion to forget. She knew Madame Pomfrey would never allow that though. She didn't even care when Lucius returned. Last night, when she was dancing with him at the club, everything seemed perfect. He was the only thing on her mind. But now, he was nothing. He didn't even matter. She knew she should be grateful that he found her and got her to the infirmary in time, but she wasn't. A huge part of her wished she had died last night. At least she wouldn't feel like this. She was grateful that he didn't try to talk to her though. He just let her be. She closed her eyes to find relief, but it only made it worse.

_Narcissa entered the restroom of the club. She reapplied her eyeliner and tried to tame her hair, which was a bit wild from dancing. Three girls in her house walked in and instantly shot her a nasty look, but she ignored it. She didn't get along well with other girls. They seemed so catty and immature, and they never liked her to begin with, although she had no idea why. She'd always tried to be polite and friendly to them. Her sister, Bellatrix, used to tell her that they were just jealous, but she had a hard time believing that. She knew she was good looking, but other than that, there was nothing special about her to be jealous of. "Did you see Lucius dancing with her? God, it's pathetic. I bet she actually thinks he likes her," Alyssa viciously insulted, knowing full-well that Narcissa could hear her. Her friends laughed nastily, and Destinee chimed in. _

_"You know he's just trying to get in her pants. You know Lucius. He always wants to prove that he can have anyone. The fact that she's turned down other guys just makes her a challenge to him. But as soon as he shags her, he'll be onto his next prize." They laughed again and walked out the door, leaving Narcissa looking at herself in the mirror with anger. How could she have been so stupid? Off course Lucius was only trying to prove that he could get her into bed. She should have seen it before. There was no other reason that he would be paying attention to her. Narcissa felt the tears well in her eyes, but she held them back. She would not let anyone see her cry. She couldn't let them know that they'd gotten to her. She missed the days when Bellatrix was still at school with her. Nobody had messed with her then. But her older sister had graduated and left her alone with these cruel, hateful classmates. She held her head up high and walked out of the restroom. The music was still blaring in the club as she ducked out of view from Lucius and exited the club. _

Looking back, she felt like an even bigger idiot for leaving. She shouldn't have cared that Lucius was using her. She should have stayed and acted like it didn't matter; like those girls didn't win. She could have even danced with Lucius again to prove that she was confidant and piss them off. But she didn't. She'd let her emotions rule her and force her to leave the safety of the other housemates in the club. She should have never tried to walk back to school alone in the dark, especially not in the outfit she was wearing. This was her fault.

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**A/N:** So did you like it? Please Review! I'll give you a virtual brownie?


	3. Chapter 3

**Title:** Broken Angel  
**Author:** OCDegrassi (Holly)  
**Pairings:** Lucius/Narcissa  
**Rating:** M  
**Warnings:** Violence, Rape, Angst  
**Note:** Oh my goodness! I am so sorry that it took so long to update! My daughter's been sick so I haven't had much time to write. Thanks so much to everyone who reviewed. I love getting feedback! This chapter is a bit graphic, so be warned. The italicized text is memory/dream.

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_Narcissa walked out of the club and onto the lonely street. The cold air hit her harshly and stung her exposed skin. She hugged her arms around her and silently cursed herself for forgetting a jacket. Her footsteps seemed loud on the empty path and she walked briskly. Her senses were heightened and she started to feel uneasy about leaving by herself. She heard footsteps behind her, but she didn't turn around. She tried to subtly speed up her pace, but the footsteps quickened as well. The panic started to rise within her, and she finally risked a glance behind her. The man wasn't much taller than her but he was much larger. His burly frame was covered in a black trench coat. Their eyes met and Narcissa saw a glimmer of excitement in the striking blue orbs. It looked like he was on a hunt and she was his prey._

_She broke out into a run, but her high heels made it difficult to move very fast, and he easily caught up to her. He grabbed her with one hand around her waist and the other over her mouth to silence her. She tried to scream but nothing came out aside from a small muffled noise. He pulled her down to the ground and straddled her. She was hitting and pushing him as hard as she could with her hands and kicking uselessly underneath his weight._

_He let go of her mouth, but before she could scream, a fist connected with her face. She was stunned silent as blow after blow hit her small frame. Her voice seemed caught in her throat. She was pathetically trying to block his fists, but she was no match for his strength. She felt the energy leaving her body as she began to fall in and out of consciousness. She saw him unzip his pants and pull them down, but she couldn't move to stop him. He ripped her underwear off and roughly slammed into her. The pain shot through her as everything went black._

Narcissa shot up in bed. She was breathing heavily and her heart was pounding. She surveyed her surroundings and saw that she was still in the hospital wing, but it did nothing to calm her. The adrenaline was still pumping strong as she tried to take deep breaths to relax. His face was burned into her memory. She would never be able to forget it: the man who took everything from her. He stole her innocence and her dreams. She grew up imagining this romantic, perfect first time with candles and soft music playing in the background. As she got older, she realized that it probably wouldn't be like that, but she never in a million years imagined it would be like this: so filled with violence and fear. He had ruined it for her. She hated him, and she didn't even know his name. Her stomach was churning and it was making her nauseous.

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Lucius walked through the infirmary doors. He saw Narcissa sitting on her bed, sweating and looking scared. He quickly ran to her side in concern. "Are you ok?" She looked at him listlessly and nodded, swallowing hard. Lucius didn't think she was. Madame Pomfrey had told him that Narcissa didn't remember her attack, but Lucius could tell she was lying. He wasn't sure which one would be worse for her: playing the entire thing over and over again in her head or constantly wondering what happened and not knowing who did it. He thought the latter would be worse, because the unknown attacker was the scariest of all. You'd look everywhere, just wondering if the guy next to you was the one who did it.

He placed a reassuring hand on her shoulder and she flinched. He quickly retracted the hand. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to scare you." She looked at him with hallow eyes, and he wanted so desperately to take her in his arms and make everything better. But he couldn't. He felt so helpless. He didn't know what to do. How do you help someone get over such a brutal attack? He did the only thing he could think of and handed her the chocolate pudding that he'd brought her from dinner. It was her favorite.

She regarded the pudding with disinterest. Chocolate pudding _used_ to be her favorite food. Now, she didn't even want to look at it. She couldn't bear the thought of eating anything. Food seemed so trivial after what happened. She grabbed it from him and placed it on the nightstand beside her bed. Lucius seemed to be waiting for something, and she was finally done being polite. She just wanted to be left alone. Why couldn't he understand that? "What do you want?" She asked pointedly.

He seemed thrown off by the question and considered his answer for a minute before speaking. "I just want to make sure you're okay."

She laughed bitterly and it sent shivers down Lucius' spine. "Well, I'm not okay… I'll never be okay again." She felt broken, damaged beyond repair. She felt like a porcelain doll that was dropped and shattered into a million pieces. How was she ever supposed to pick up the pieces and put herself back together again? It seemed impossible.

Lucius' eyes were filled with sadness and he shook his head and sighed. "I'll be back later." He left, and Narcissa wasn't surprised.

She was actually shocked that he'd returned at all. Why was he bothering? Out of obligation? Well, he didn't owe her anything. He should just leave her be. She was damaged goods. There were plenty of other girls that were far better than her- especially now. Lucius should be talking to them, not wasting his time with her. Still, with his presence gone, the silence was deafening and Narcissa couldn't help but feel more alone.

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**A/N:** So what did you think? Please Review!


	4. Chapter 4

**Title:** Broken Angel  
**Author:** OCDegrassi (Holly)  
**Pairings:** Lucius/Narcissa  
**Rating:** M  
**Warnings:** Violence, Rape, Angst, Abortion  
**Note:** Finally, an update! Again, I'm sorry that it took so long. Special thanks to Beautiful Storm Munroe for the awesome determination to get an update! Thank you so much for your encouragement. Now, onto the next chapter. This chapter contains abortion, which I know can make some people feel very uncomfortable, so I'm sorry in advance if I offend anyone. That was certainly not my intention.

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Madame Pomfrey approached Narcissa with a sympathetic look on her face that made the blonde wary of her intentions. "Dear, I know that you don't remember what happened. There's no easy way to tell you this, but you were sexually assaulted." She placed a comforting hand on Narcissa's shoulders and waited for the blonde's response. She was still and silent, her eyes staring off into space. She knew that she should act surprised, but she just didn't have it in her. Madame Pomfrey waited a few minutes before continuing, obviously disappointed by the teen's lack of response. "We are going to need to do some tests, just to make sure that everything is okay."

Narcissa tensed. The nurse was talking about STD's. She hadn't even thought of that. She suddenly felt sick again and threw up on the floor next to her bed. Madame Pomfrey quickly cleaned the mess up and pressed a cold cloth to her forehead. Why couldn't this just be over? She just wanted to forget, but there was always something to remind her. Madame Pomfrey took some blood from her arm and retreated into her office to analyze it.

The blonde leaned back and closed her eyes, but she quickly opened them when she heard footsteps approaching her. The sudden fear had pulsed through her at the sound, and she was embarrassed when she realized it was only Lucius. Her head knew that she was safe in the infirmary, but her body didn't seem to register that fact. The unseen footsteps had thrown her mind back to the night of her attack. He nodded to her instead of speaking. He seemed to realize by now that asking her how she was feeling was not working well in his favor. They sat in silence until Madame Pomfrey returned with her forehead creased in concern. Narcissa swallowed hard and sat up straighter against her pillow.

"What is it?" Her voice was forceful and hoarse. She didn't want the nurse to beat around the bush; she just needed to know. Madame Pomfrey looked to Lucius as if she was unsure whether to share the information with him present, but Narcissa didn't care. She couldn't wait a minute longer to know. She needed to know so that she could start dealing with whatever it was. "Just tell me." The nurse swallowed hard and sat down on the foot of her bed.

"My dear, you are clear of all STD's, but… you are pregnant." The world slipped out from underneath Narcissa as her breath caught in her throat. This couldn't be happening. Not this; anything but this. She would rather have an STD than this. She was pregnant with that _monster's_ child. She shook her head in disbelief. This had to be a sick joke. "You do have options. You can give the child up for adoption once he or she is born, or you can choose to terminate the pregnancy."

Narcissa answered almost before the nurse had finished her sentence. "I want an abortion."

Madame Pomfrey seemed taken aback by her sudden answer. "Why don't you take some time to think about it?" She said gently, but Narcissa forcefully shook her head.

"There's nothing to think about. I want the abortion. As soon as possible." Madame Pomfrey nodded and walked away, leaving Narcissa alone with Lucius.

"I will support you in anything you decide, but are you sure you don't want to think a little longer before making a decision? I mean, this is your baby…" Lucius trailed off, uncertain of what to say. He didn't want to offend Narcissa, and he certainly couldn't blame her for wanting an abortion, but he didn't want her to make a mistake. What if she realized after the fact that she wanted her child, regardless of whom the father was, or she felt guilty for 'killing' her own kid and couldn't survive with the guilt weighing down on her conscious? He would never forgive himself if he didn't at least try and make sure that she was completely positive about her decision.

Tears began to spill down her cheeks before she could stop them. "This is my baby… and his. I can't have this baby. I can't look at him or her every day and see _him_; see a monster. I know that I should love my child, but how can I when it was created in hate? I know that makes me a terrible person, but I just can't." Her voice broke as she sobbed. Lucius pulled her close to him, and she continued to cry into his chest.

"You are not a terrible person. You went through something horrible, and you have every right to not want a child that was conceived because of it. I understand, and I'm not judging you. I'm here for you, and I'm not going anywhere." This only made her sob harder. Why did she do to deserve his support? She had gotten herself raped and now she was having an abortion. She felt like a horrible person. Her tears finally subsided when she felt like she had no more tears left to cry, but she didn't move from his embrace until Madame Pomfrey returned.

"Are you ready?" Narcissa nodded and wiped her eyes.

"Yes."

She was surprised by how quick and easy the abortion was. Madame Pomfrey gave her a potion to drink, and then she experienced some cramping for about an hour, but that was it. For some reason, she thought it would be harder to kill an unborn child. By the time it was done, she felt number. It was tougher emotionally than she could have ever imagined. She kept second-guessing herself and wondered if the baby was in pain. She felt so guilty. She wished she could be a better person; a better mother. She wished she could have this baby without constantly be reminded of the rape, but she couldn't. She wasn't strong enough, and it made her feel ashamed.

Her guilt and sadness began to mix with anger. This wasn't fair. None of this should be happening. She should have never been in the position to make this decision in the first place. She was angry at her attacker, but she was also angry at herself. She kept wondering if maybe she could have escaped if only she had fought more, or if only she had never left the club. She just wanted to go back in time and change things. As she wrestled within her own mind, Lucius held her hand and never let go.

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**A/N:** So what did you think? Please Review! I'll give you a giant chocolate chip cookie :)


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